The Destructive Impact of the Inner Child

My inner child sits on the couch and looks out at the kids in the neighbor playing. None of them knocked on my door to see if I wanted to join them. He feels left out. Now if I feel left out when a group of co-workers go to lunch but don’t invite me, I want to hide and distract myself with porn, so I don’t feel the disappointment that no one cares. I can’t take the thought of sitting on the couch and watching others enjoy themselves while I am dying inside.

Kevin - pornography addiction

The kid is afraid. He’s always been afraid. I can remember the constant bullying during elementary and middle school we endured. I always looked forward to school breaks, including the summer to escape the harassment and teasing. He is still that nervous kid who is always looking over his shoulder. I struggle to trust new people I meet. He always thinks they are going to hurt us.

Carmen - sexual and pornography addiction

My inner kid explodes when he hears someone being critical of me. And that sets off my anger. I hate being told I’m not good enough. So, I find myself exploding and then running off to look at porn. When that happens, my inner child quiets down and feels relaxed. I have come to realize I am oversensitive to criticism, and my inner kid overreacts to comments that aren’t meant to be critical. If I let him, he will lead me down a path of continuing to hurt my wife.

Charlie - pornography addiction

Abandonment is what causes my inner child to become fearful. Mom left my dad and brother when I was seven. She just ran away with another man, and we never saw her again. What mother leaves her children behind? Anyway, if I start to feel someone is trying to distance themselves from me, I now know my inner child is being activated, and I soon will start getting anxious. If I don’t allow myself to become aware of what is going on, I will find myself at a strip club spending a ton of money on lap dances.

Terry - sexual addiction

Feeling like he is being controlled. That is what will get my little fella upset. He remembers mom was a control freak. Everything had to be done her way. I had no voice and worst yet, all the things she made me do was with one goal in mind – making her look good. I have realized my inner child hates being told what to do. But I must let him know that often what he believes is someone trying to control us is not always accurate. He sees all of them like mom.

Bruce - pornography addiction

During my recovery work, we originally thought boredom was the main trigger for my inner child. But with more self-reflection, we discovered it is all about lacking a sense of purpose. At 49-years-old, I can’t tell you what value I have in this life, and that makes my inner child very sad. When my day-to-day life starts looking the same, he gets triggered, and I am left looking for an adrenaline rush, which I found for years with sex.

Vic - sexual and pornography addiction

My inner child is vigilant whenever something occurs in which the message is being sent saying, “I’m stupid.” And the person delivering that message most often is me. I just was not fully aware of it until I started my therapy. Growing up with three older siblings, I was always laughed at whenever I made a mistake or said something that didn’t make sense. I cannot remember anyone calling me stupid, but I felt that way. As an adult, if I made a mistake, I tried to shake it off, but later I would see my mood shift, and I felt worthless. I then find myself heading off to watch porn. All the time, it was my inner child telling me how stupid we are.

Alan pornography addiction

I have had a sex addiction for more years than I care to consider. I knew deep down that it was rooted in my childhood, but until I began my recovery work, I didn't realize the extent and depth, my childhood had on my addiction. Coming to understand the little boy inside me and coming to terms with many of the people who impacted me as a child, has helped me to turn my life around. I can now live by the terms of my adult self, instead of the emotions of my little boy. He's still there and certainly has his moments, but his voice has become much softer and his cries, not as loud.

Stan same-sex attraction